Your dreams are not yours alone !!!

You asked her to make do in a one-room apartment, She did.

You got up at three to watch the world cup, She made tea.

You never had to worry. About your health, your mom, your kids. She did.

You were too busy to call everyday. She understood.

You sometimes forgot to say , "I love you."She never forgot.

When she cried, she cried alone. Whenever you cried she cried with you.

Your dreams are not yours alone. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .



Thus went the advertisement of Union Bank of India - Good people to bank with.


My money was safe with Union bank of india. And it was amusing to find the half page advertisement of the bank I most trusted on the first page of my morning newspaper. In my admiration of the bank and the advt. I forgot one other important thing. That Union bank of india was not the only bank managing my dreams. There was another, boiling tea in the kitchen and burning hands to cook the breakfast.


A look at today's date said that today was the date when i first opened my account in Union bank of India, the date when I first learnt to fill up a form and deposit money in the bank at the age of 17. The date when i saw her for the first time - standing in the line next to me. Today was the date, years ago, that I fell in love.


It was the same date when I built up enough courage to try and talk to her. I slid the pen I'd brought inside my pocket and asked her for one. She generously lent it. However I had a tough time filling the already filled up form. I saw that I'd missed the date. I asked her the date. She thought I was dumb. I couldnt fare much better. She in all this melodrama forgot the pen she'd lent me. I couldnt be happier.


Over the next few days I paid regular visits to the bank, I was ready with the pen and a few rehearsed dialogues. Much to my disappointment she did not turn up. And gradually my frequency of visits also declined. But whenever I went I scanned the bank completely.She must be cursing me for the loss of a costly pen.


Years passed. I completed my engineering. Posted at kolkata with a reputed firm and a respectable pay I grew busy in work. My salary was linked with Union bank of India. An ATM in front of my one-room apartment was the source for me. But one day I had to go to the bank to manually withdraw because the ATM wasnt working.


After a long wait in the line, I finally reached the counter. Whom should I see there behind the cash counter but her. Yeah the same cute one that lent me the pen. She didnt remember me. I didnt think excavating old facts would please the busy banker or the ones standing behind me. I left the counter normally, almost raided my room to find the Epic pen and finally found it tucked in my dairy.


I waited for her to get out of the bank that evening. After waiting in the senior citizen lounge in the bank for an hour, she finally came out. I approached her with the pen. She thought i was a salesman. It took some time to remind her of the whole episode. She still thought i was dumb. A few minutes spent discussing the old town, another few minutes spent discussing the arrival in this town. In those few minutes I understood that I was drifting.


Friendship followed. Love traversed. Marriage succeeded. Responsibilities sprang up. Life just continued. Home - Office - Home - Office. Over the years something was lost. It was the same morning tea she had always made but slowly we dint have it together. We no longer watched movies in a theatre unlike the once upon times. Calls on the phone no longer cost as much now. Year after year we spent lesser times in form of vacations or eating out. There was no strife or quarrel but it just happened. A slow and steady decline not in love but in showing affection.


This paper advertisement has reminisced some fond memories. After all life can never be lived alone. Someone intentionally or unintentionally, with your knowledge or without lives with you. No part of the life is completely yours alone. Of course our dreams are not ours alone.


She came into the verandah to give me my morning tea. I caught her hand before holding the the cup and gestured her to sit down. Today she can think is another day I grew dumb. Doesnt matter. Love is for everyone. Who said old people cant love? Atleast Cheeni kum was one of the movies we watched. The only sad thing was that she burnt the breakfast on the day we rediscovered love.

All Silver Tea Cups !!!

A look at my blogging record of the past 5 months shows me in real poor light. The reason - The all reducing frequency of my blog updation. Every time I start writing after a really long while I feel blank as to what to write. And this time too this is an updation without any particular theme.



But these days whenever I look at my little piano or even think of it I imagine myself in the shoes of shahid kapoor (of course the one in Jab we Met) and I find myself playing it fervently and the song plays automatically in my ears. The only thing I dont know whom to put in the shoes of 'Geet'. Dramatic isn't it? But I so want to be close to one particular musical instrument and be able to play it effortlessly.




Dont think deep into the title of the post. It suggests nothing much except that it was one of the memory techniques we were taught in school to remember which functions out of sine cosine and tan of triginometry were positive in which quadrants. ALL SILVER TEA CUPS !!!



Just one note of caution to end the blog. Do not board any special train introduced by indian railways to clear off festive rushes. They run really late. I have just been a victim of one of those which ran 9 and half hours late !!!

The making of WOB !!!

I will start the post with a paradox -
'No one goes to Maths N Tech Club events. It is very crowded'

If the Student Activity Centre a.k.a SAC cannot accomodate the crowd, what will ? So, a brief 'ThanQ' to all the professors who declared class tests the next day and reduced the occupancy of SAC. And 'ThanQ' to God, who rained the premises and reduced the occupancy further and also for cooling the SAC which would have been boiling otherwise.

A sense of satisfaction grips us all for having pulled over the event well. Precisely speaking, the whole event War of the branches went pretty much on schedule. The biggest event of Maths 'N' Tech Club in the odd semester spelt out to be a success with fewer points to learn from than when we started out. There were no quagmires we could have stucked in.

So, this post is dedicated exclusively to its making and execution to those final touches !!!

We conducted War of the zones last year and its concept was so nice that we wanted to make it a trademark of Maths 'N' Tech Club. So when the meeting was called, different inputs were :
"Is baar bhi karna 'hi' hai"
"Arey nahi yaar...Not war of the zones..Professor ko invitation dene gaya kitni daat padi thi..."
"Kyun bhai...."
"Kehte hain tum ne india ko zones mein divide kar diya...."
"Kyun...Ranji cup nahi hota kya college mein..."
"Why not we do War of the branches this time....Mera first year se mann tha ki inter-departmental quiz karein, This is our last chance"(like the rob in Rock on !!!)

Lots of effort was put in the making of the prelims question paper. Really a hefty job. To make it doable to all sections covering all topics and again trying to be innovative and if not possible trying to edit it. Then comes the audio visual round which took more time than we'd thought in the making. Finally the round was made a bit easy because there is no point in showing really wierd clips none has ever seen or couldnt guess even in his wildest imaginations. Our focus was - Let people solve this.

Correction and compiling the data was one big challenge. especially of a 550+ audience. And there were very few question papers left after the distribution. Amongst fears that there would be a shortage, this came as a relief especially because it was also a point of not wasting resources.

Pre-final and final rounds were tailor made such that each time gets a few opportunities before getting eliminated. And the wild card entry was also very well executed.

Finally the war was fought and the podium finish were shared by the two expected teams - Electrical and civil. Though I would have loved to see Royal Mechanicals in there. Prize money was given on the spot and so were the gift vouchers to all pre-finalists and finalists.

And then as soon as the last voucher was gifted, power goes off - Was this sheer good luck ???

Followed by a few brief and necessary as well as unavoidable arrangements we departed - The Happy souls. Final years would know what it meant to pull off this event perfectly.

All words are synonyms !!!

Her voice was beautiful as ever. Her eyes would catch any one's attention but they were fixed on me now. Her smile announced she was upto something. She caught hold of my foot and wrote on my sole with a blue gel pen. I turned my sole towards myself only to read her name.

"I dont like it there", I said, " I dont want to trample your name wherever I walk."

"But I want to be with you wherever you go and whenever you walk", she said.

She blinked her eyes.
I couldnt blink my eyes.

She conveyed optimism. I conveyed pessimism. But both of us conveyed love for each other. Sometimes even opposites tend to convey the same meaning, though they may not look the same to the naked ear.

So, dear frenz !!! If someone has broken up with someone please go back to see if there were some 'prepositions' that went wrong. You wouldnt want to loose someone for incorrect english !!!


Lots of love !!!
Z`a`h`i`d

Mathematics of Life !!!

Sometimes I ask myself "How come out of all countries I was selected by God to be born in India, in the state of Andhra Pradesh and then in the district of East Godavari in Kakinada to these particular parents only?"


Being fond of mathematics, I lay down some mathematical equations just to show what makes it so intriguing.


There are about 212 countries in the world. Since the land is not equally distributed I wont take the probability of being born in india as '1/212'. The total land area of india is about 30 lakh square kilometers. the world land area is 14 crore. So my probability of being born in india is about '30 lakh/14 crore' which equals '1/50'.


Now coming to Andhra Pradesh whose area is about 3 lakhs. So my probability of being born in Andhra pradesh is '1/10'. And similarly the probability of being born in my district is '1/25' and thereafter in my town is '1/5'.


And then being born in a particular place and being born to a particular pair of parents are too independent events. Still making an assumption that no married foreigners came to india to give birth to a child, The population of india was around 80 crores when i was born and among them 50% were in age 20-40. So 40 Crores. Assuming there were equal men and women in the country and they married between themselves , we have 20 crore couples and which makes my probability of being born to one of them as '1/20 crore'.



So in all, my probability of being born subject to all the above constraints is (1/50)*(1/10)*(1/25)*(1/5)*(1/20 crore) = 0.00000000000008


Spellbinding, isn't it?


And to say I have made liberal assumptions throughout and also have taken an assumption that life exists only on earth.


I have always wondered why science takes into consideration upto hundreds of digits after the decimal point. What need does it serve? But yes, to unravel the mysteries God laid around, and to explain them with proper evidence you need to have mathematics. Numbers prove everything. I even subscribe to the belief that when we go deeper into the numbers we proceed further in understanding the attributes of science.


Mathematics is essentially a fact based subject. It can be either true or false but still a fact. And as an old maxim goes a single fact is worth a shipload of argument, mathematics indeed cuts out on banal talk to evolve principles.


There I end this post - but I still have a lots to write- May be some other time !!!

Engineerhood !!!

Sitting with eyes wide open at 2:36 A.M. That's so natural of an Engineering student, everyone will argue. Right, I say. That's so right of an Engineer. But am I one? And if I weren't one What am I? And why am I following the rules of an engineer?



This college has taught me a lot of things. It has made me more pragmatic, more matured, more directionable and oriented but it has simply failed to make me an engineer. Why, oh Why did you leave this one thing? 9 months from now I will pass out from this college as a 'Better Zahid' but not a 'B-Tech Zahid'.



Surely the close to 40 lakh population that will pass out the next year from the various engineering colleges across india are not Engineers. No country can produce so many engineers year by year. We hear in news channels and media that so many of the so called engineers are left unemployed. Issues are made out of it. Mountains out of mole-hills. But my arguement is different. The troup we hear in the media are not engineers. No engineer is left jobless. Talent finds its way somehow somewhere. And the poor graduates who are termed engineers are just koels in the crows nest.



But I wont bicker about this number and find reasons to blame the government. I hold that this elite title given to any soul would not only improve his qualification but prevent a serious famine of engineers. Imagine such a situation. With so few engineers. As in the just safe side of a famine of doctors we are presently in. Ask yourself. How many doctors are there in your locality? In your city? How many doctors per thousand people? We are managing because a part of our population cant afford a doctor and another satisfied by the chemist's diagnosis and yet another hates paying a visit to them.



Coming back to Engineers, its not as difficult to turn an engineer. They say that A talk with a wise man is much worthier than the same time spent on referring books. This adage holds true here. Speak to an Engineer and you will know he is one. And odds in favour of his inspiring you are worth betting upon. And while others are busy making mountains out of molehills you should start making machines out of the same raw material. And practising things that havent yet been preached will help too.



And yes, it would be a bad idea to cease staying late into the night. Remember, engineers stay late in the night. Maybe one such night you will strike a pot of Engineerhood !!! What say?

'A' or 'a' ? Which is better?

They say One man's meat is another's poison !!! They also say Give thy neighbour as much as you give yourself. Confusing ain't it? Some idioms are antithetical to themselves.



For example look at this - they say Rome was not built in a day. They also say slow and steady wins the race. so long fine. But they also say 'The later you doeth, the bitter it gets'



Somethings just contradict. And some people - of course yes - after all they are human. And when they contradict it is the ultimatum. I am not sure but i think the whole world including me fall in the category of people i am going to discuss now.



Someone finds something not so impressive probably because the first impression failed to make a mark. And then you find that person going to all ends to castigate it. Why, why dont we give a small consideration for that thing and think again.



Orthodox people usually of the age of grandfathers trust certain people and stick to them for may be fixing the fan or cleaning the garden or servicing the scooter. And they are increasingly skeptical about others in the absence of these so called trustworthy skilled men. All other men are just money sucking creatures.



Our society is built that way. Our society is built on trust. A belief. The ink of faithfulness. The ink of care. A parent cares for his/her son/daughter. he wants his son to have this and that and dwells deeper in quest for wealth. The child learns only this. The opulent remain opulent this way as generations of wealth is passed on. Our politicians askance for wealth is in coherence with this theory who look to garner infinite wealth while on the chair.



And this is in contrast with other societies - parts of The West, where we are not built on so much of trust and where you can find crime at will. We have people who leave their children to make their own lives rather than mollycuddling until one quarter of life. Spoil or rotten, everyone has to make a life of his own. Here we have politicians who would kill for a noble peace prize, who would kill for the power !!! The power of chair !!



I dont know which one should win the war- The presence of rich culture and heritage with respect to traditions or a society of self made nefarious people.



Life gives you antithetical statements. Living with them will not remove confusion but will make it a habit beyond notice !!!

Jaane tu ya jaane na.... !!!

"what song will you sing for your loved one?", she asked me.

Skeptical about my singing skills and doubtful she will actually love the song I began :

"Kabhi Kabhi aditi Zindagi, Mein yuhi koi apna lagta hai

Kabhi Kabhi aditi woh bichad jaye to Ek sapna lagta hai"




Yes, this means that this song is at the tip of my tongue now-a-days and that i am waiting for someone to send me the ringtone. And this meand that i liked the movie very much.



I had always been fond of abbas tyrewala from the time he started writing dialogues for comic films and now that he has turned director he has excelled the same.



What i heard of the movie was that it was an youthful entertainer but when i actually saw it, it turned out to be an out and out 'nostalgia begetting one' though i am yet to complete my graduation. Genelia, the actress from the south couldnt have fared better. Though i refrain from praising imran khan who wasnt adequately upto the mark. There is nothing new in the movie's storyline but there is delight on how it is unfolded.



Practicality reflects everywhere in the movie, without any heavy dialogues, and thats one part that makes the movie succesful. naseruddin shah and paresh rawal like ever excellent. And it came at such a time when industry was starving form hits. Needless to mention a.r.rahman's role in the Music. Only thing thats not healthy is the predictability. Very easily can one guess that the creature that died at the beginning was a cat or a dog.



I am all praise for genelia's brother(amit), inspite of his introvertistical attitude. dont know what his name is. And more praise for Sughanda garg(shalini), the lone one who remains single even after the end of story.



One thing thats important i feel in a gang is that atleast one should know how to play a guitar or a violin. otherwise gaana kaise gayenge? And more important is the presence of freedom throwing parents.



I recommend everybody to watch it..... Not as soon as possible but at one's own peril in free time. So long -

Tu Kush Hai to lage ki jahan mein chai hai kushi
Suraj nikle badlon se aur baate zindagi
Sunto zara madhosh hawa tujhse kehne lagi

Ki Aditi woh ko bichadte hain ek na ek din phir mil jate hain
Aditi jane tu ya jaane na phool phir khil jate hain

A brief moment

Hi all !!!

This words are posted here so that my blog doesnt go without posts in the month of June.....

So long I wish to wish all of you a very happy monsoon.

Take umbrella's while going out !!!

God might just wish to water the plants today !!!


Ciao soon !!!

:(

I so bloody wanna post on my blog !!! But kya karen no internet connection,....



I wanted to have a mothers day post.. a bday post !! A this post !!! A that post !!!



Kya karoon ???



Why dont time and internet come hand in hand ???????



So long but I will be back !!!


I wanna be back !!!!

Reasons to be happy !!!

Well, There is something special about this post !!! What What What ??? Nope I wont say !!! Not so early in the post !!! Something about this post makes me happy even before i start typing !!!

I have nothing in mind to write on a special occasion like this !!!


Okay !!! I dedicate this post to this particular zebra - An animal which was with me during my happy and sad times. *Sigh wish I could keep it as a pet* !!!

Uh oh I cant keep the suspense anymore !!! Well, The secret of this post is that It Is My 50th Post !!! Shower some encomiums upon me !!!

Tch Tch I am still on the lookout of the comments like :
" Never again will a blog be written as if it were the only one !!! "
" None exhibited blogsmanship (err..) as thy did "
" You sure have Zebra'z in You, Dude !!! "
Tch Tch !!!

Somehow I am very happy now a days !!! I dont know how i can make time fly without doing anything constructive !!! I have known that life is best when you have alternate layers of "No time to scratch busy" and "fly-catching free time". Perhaps that would make you enjoy both of them. And luckily my life is filled with it !!!

And another thing that makes me happy is that I have taken out my piano which has been put aside for such a long time. (Yeah pretty much like shahid kapoor in Jab we met... Unfortunately I dont play that well). I downloaded a play sheet from the net - Avril's when you're gone and tried it. I almost already knew I sucked at it. Who cares ...But I'm happy !!!

One aim on a special day is to Learn to play My small keyboard really well. Just like the other day Id thought that I should play Table tennis really well !!!

One thing more that makes me happy is that Im going to enter my final year (On conditions that our professors find my answer sheets worthy enough ) I have so many plans !!! I want to do a lot of things !!! Sometimes I feel this is one year you should really use to exercise your constructive genius rather than waste time in preparing for sappy exams like CAT , GATE, GRE !!! What say !!! I wont be getting my final year back again !!! May be life will be a bed of roses if I crack any of those. But sometimes i feel its best not to plan too much for future.


More reasons to be happy !!! I want to give place to my movie directing skills next year by taking out videos in the coll. for the coll. Then before i leave the college make the blog 100 posts. And get placed in a core company with a handsome package. And be serious about the piano thing !!! Get things done !!! And rock the next years aarohan !!!

So long !!! Primary goal is to Ward of the heat this summer !!! Remember short term planning !!!

P.S : I know vandz !!! I was tagged !!! That would be my 51st post for sure !!! I couldnt help posting this when i saw the number 49 !!!

I need a smile !!!

Last time I'd thought HOwever busy I was I would sneak past a few minutes and fill my blog. But I failed. I failed to open my personal blog too. I feel bad for not writing anywhere in between. For not recording any kind of facet in between either on my blog or my diary or plain paper. For havin lost out on thousands of words which were raised and then allowed to drift with the wind.



Stuck up is What I feel !!! When the happening of something good doesnt make you happy or the happening of something bad doesnt make you grumble. I am in that stage. I want time and space more than anyhting now. Time to do nothing. No boundings. No dead lines. Unlimited unlimited.....

I feel like being sucked in the rat race already. Dont know. Y should I do an MBA.....Why should I fall prey to more and more rats and while time in escaping from the big cats while I can plain have a pretty normal life in some PSU or a nominal firm which pays me sufficient enough to be called a middle class and where i have some appreciation for what I love.



I have understood the meaning of friendship when I dont find one of my closest friends now with me. Time I'd spent with him was almost half the time or even more When I wasnt sleeping or attending classes.



It happens like YOU SEARCH YOUR WHOLE PHONE DIRECTORY AND YOU DONT HAVE A SINGLE CONTACT WHOM YOU THINK YOU CAN CALL and worser you feel the same thing on the G-Talk.



I feel like the dyslexic child in Taare Zameen par. Yet still while I am writing this I observe the time to be 5:53 pm. Hell, when i say i have to go fast not to fall back on the leftover work. And yet Its just a small time ago...I started....Not even 10 minutes. (I dont even feel like counting how much time passed).



Time lags laga lags.....And now that i turned the topic on time I am again blank. Forgot the thing I felt like writing. No one can be an island. If australia claims to be one THen its lying. You need to have a friend. A friend who would go out eating snacks with you everyday. Who would advise you to choose a particular toothpaste over another. Who would change your filthy shirt before going to a party. who would give you pleasant surprises when you dont expect and would be plain when you actually expect. who would share the last biscuit in a pack. who would fall upon you for some silly decision which would mtter no where. who would change the custom messages of your gtalk id just like that. who would plan a surprise gift for another common friend, who would share the worst of his times, who would share the best of his times., but will still not read your diary,.



I sometimes feel we should be allowed to cry more easily. Bcoz I personally feel crying helps you lower the pain. I dont want to go anywhere. I dont want to do anyhting. I dont want to stay forever. Good that humans are mortal.



And yet during this period we have our final years leaving us, someof them very dear to me, and when you find tag sllike nostalgic or bas 5 din or Over with life It cretes something in your stomach. I dont know even if it cna be called a butterfly effect.



They sit on the sand. no more are they conscious of the sand spoiling thier pants. Its broken free. Its allowed now. Pain to clean it all is okay now. They give away perks. If not now when??? They grow claustrophobic. They find hard to agree on the fact that thier closest friend whom they d spent all their 4 years , the one who was a stranger before the four years and who has become their strongest influence during the period.



I feel like a rat in a well furnished house. Who got everything, but hunger, who got lots of noise around, yet temporarily deaf, who lost his co companion in the hole, And worser the family residing in the house is moving away. What do you thinks happening.



I dont want to spend the small time I get in between thinking away all the nonsense. Planning for hte future is a big myth. Its best not to I guess. I want to enjoy. I havent done silly things for quite a long time. So long it was when i stopped everything and heard what i was supposed to. When i close eeverything and hear for a while I hear things i am overlooking, my fan thats rotating with a sound, Children playing with stones outside my second floor window, I can smell that hot air which is in my room, I can see leaves fluttering thrught he window. I can see one car or a bicycle or a bike pass by with a time gap on a sei deserted load. And the taste i get in my mouth is that of the used up saliva which you get once as you wake up. And that is what Id done just after waking up. Start writing.



And while i have to go now, I cant even check up what id written, No spell checks and no make it betters today !!! I will just put a tilte and a color and go !!! I will go !!! I want to return. Not just to the blogger but to a whole lot of things that i have kept waiting in my mind as second priority !!! I love you zahid. I really love you for all the things you know and you do.... intentionally or unintentionally !!!

Nonsense !!!

Its getting mad, madder. I want to open another blog of my own to write. Now this moment. That would be my own and private. Where I can write everything that I want to write with people's real names and real incidents everything uncensored. But Im so sleepy that i cant go through all the processes now.



Seriously over the past few days I'm dying in dilemma of what I must be doing with the next few years of my life. I did plan things.... They havent gone wrong. They are all in position. Somehow my own thoughts have changed. I dont want to continue with that.



Things are getting mad. Exams are going on. I dont complain. They are going on well. Atleast till now. Unlike the previous semesters I am satisfied this time with myself after writing. They dint go brilliant. I dint spoil them either. Though I am bent on maintaining : The best way to term them is Okayish to everybody no matter What position they occupy in your life.



Life is getting busier. I am loving it. Orkut has introduced a lot of widgets. One being typeracer. I feel sorry for my keyboard which I banged because I lost three races back to back. I am bloody angry at that. The same angriness that was on my face when I went to the mess and found the food over by that time and especially when it was a special dinner. Not everyday I get it.




Dont know...Bloody sleepy helluva..Still writing....coz I wanted to write and I couldnt open the private blog of my own now !!! No exaggerations...Nothing...No spice...Just plain nonsense !!! 2:28 A.M now...Never mind... I was awake worser than that.




Seriously I love you zahid except when you are such a pest to yourself !!! I hate you when you get mad !!! You make things just worse... Aah......Wish I could shout and no one could hear !!!

Mixed bag !!!

I feel sorry towards my blog. I have neglected it for more than 15 days. So many things have happened in between. Things that made me happy. Things that left me sad. Things that i would have blogged upon. Groan !!! And to tell the truth I wasnt so busy that I couldnt spare 1 minute to write a few lines but I wanted to write a lot on it. I think I should cover up all of them.



Placements : Infosys is the key word.(Dont ask me a treat) 31st March was the date. I am happy with it for now. But it has left me in a kind of dilemma. The dilemma of choosing my second job. The company played a big role in brushing up my mathematics gray cells that were dormant for near 3 years of my engineering life. I think i will dedicate a whole post on tips for an effective interview. But for now my interview went pretty cool.

One key is to bring the topic on what you can speak upon the best. When he asked me one thing that I could do best I turned the topic towards blogging and then when he asked Was this the only thing that I could do best I turned the topic towards Maths N Tech club, and the most part of interview went upon it. He asked of why they made me the presidnet of the club, what ws my contribution, how much was my contribution to the club, how much i loved it, what do you plan for the club in the coming year, etc; etc;.... For all these questions i did given him very convincing answers and the interview was a cake walk. Nothing technical was asked through out and Yo !!! I got selected.



Elections : Our college's elections for GS, AGS, President, Vice President, AGS Sports. An active part this time in elections campaigning for one of my very good friends in the college. Every year it was like 'Koi bhi jeete mujhe kya farak padta hai' But this time 'Farak HAI'. A mixed result came out - A bit happy a bit sad !!!



Recstacy : To all those alien to this word it is our college's official Cultural festival. I am pretty sure that in the next edition of the colleges official magazine 'Deja vu' this recstacy will be termed as 'A great success' , 'Biggest ever', 'Enthralling performances from the performers', 'Nerve stunning program' Etc; Etc; But I disagree. I dont say it sucked. But it was surely worser than the previous years. It left the majority of the community disappointed.



Grand viva : This is actually meant to be a viva of everything that you learn in the past 6 semesters. And believe me it looked a lot cooler to me than a subject specific one. But among the panel was one prof who is pretty much bent that i should not pass this semester. Had a hard time with him. Hic !!!



Entertainment : No TV or any movie or song updates for quite a while. Still the latest hit on the list is Jashne bahaara barring the exception 'Pehli nazar mein' of RACE !!! There were a lot of treats and parties though in this period. 2 Major farewells and 2 job treats for and from final years repectively and a lot of mini ones !!!



P.S : And finally Sunny days are here to stay. That doesnt mean that good times have come (My exams start in 5 days Growl !!!) It means that its started behaving like peak summer now. People please send me a watermelon each in memory of the good times we'd spent on the blogger. Err.....

Ahem..... !!!

There was once a 8 year old boy who did not know the difference between injection and operation. During one of those days he hit an iron fence and that resulted in a deep cut. That also meant he had to take a 'tetanus' to avoid 'septic' as was called in those days. And so he kept sulking "Mujhe operation nahi kar vana hai...Main nahi aaonga". While his mother tried hard to distinguish between 'operation' and 'injection' little did she know that he was as afraid of injection as well. Finally after that trip to doctor and then watching an ICU in a hindi movie he understood the difference between them.




And When he grew up, he came to be known as 'Zahid Hussain'.




Hey dint you feel like you were reading a Seventh class English Text book. About a historic person who did such a great thing while he was so young and for which his name had to be kept in suspense untill the good deed was revealed.



Anyways, Today I felt like initiating the word flow rate of the blogger again. All those beautiful comments you'd all written after my first anniversery post had an effect in imparting a smile to my lips. And if you are wondering why my language has suddenly turned this way then it is bcoz of the placement season that i am practising to include all the technical terms in my speech.



Today came our first company. It is called upon as 'TCS'. Somehow after being skeptic to sit or not to sit I sat and then dint get selected. One point I dint understand was why did the company send a HR manager to our college who instead of attracting people towards them was acting a repellant. He actually played a big role in turning me against the company. All through the preplacement talk and in all the formal proceedings he invited the wrath of the whole college.



I dont know anyone would be happy with the news that you aren't selected for the next round. But I was. And seriously I dont regret. I dint like a lot of things- like the salary, designation given as a fresher, place of job, that HR man and his hopeless expressions in particular and shifting to IT field after 4 years of mechanical Engg. But I believe there are a few things to be learnt form here. Prepare better the next time and get yourself acquainted with each nook of the last year's papers. I dint prepare this time and perhaps that was the reason i failed. But for all those who think I was disqualified due to an upper cut-off, I dont mind if you think that way.



So long till my next post. God give me the grace to take the right decisions in the future. Ameen !!!

First Birthday ! ! !

An ode to all my blogger frenz. Today completes one year of my blog. I wont go on saying how much I love all of you and how sweet comments you'd given me. Because all of you know that...I love ya all for making me smile...Instead I want to write how and where each of us will be some 20-25 years down the lane. Since I love you all equally, I wish to follow the alphabetical order.


Avinash - Ah..My school friend !!! He will have been sucked in by microsoft in service and might be leading a very happy life except that everyday he broods over the same things hez doin as an engineering student.

Basu Dobby - Ah !!! He will remain as sweet as he is now !!! Not a sucrose factor more nor a sucrose factor less. Sometimes I feel hez got everything that i like !!!

Busy Writer - Busy writer will become a doctor eventually and a serious yoga specialist or whatever of that kind and she will propose known yet alien things to people to degrade err..Improve their health

Cinderella - So many years hence she will perhaps writing on how she loves her hubby so much and how many Kgs of jelabi or barfi he brings while coming to home from office, how you both prefer going to Pani puri over 5 star and how no 'on job rivalry' has strengthened their love...Err....Etc; And the dollops of me series would have gone to 2451 !!! Hic !! Hic !!


Divya - By this time she might have become the oldest woman living on the earth...Yes !!! She was bornin the year 1886. Even her mail ID reflects that. She will try to hide her age by sayin that she was born on 1st august but dont believe her. Hopefully if other people dont live as much she will get into Guinness book of world records.


Lena - Her experience in the matters of love and life are so high that by that time she would have given a guest lecture on these topics in every other university in the world and inspired a lot of teen and non-teen students.

mad girl a.k.a sohini - By this time she will be nominated for the inter-continental best poet award taking place on Where but earth itself. I dont believe science would have achieved inter-planetory allies. Otherwise that goes true for her too. Also Below is Sameera's. She will give you a tough fight being the other nominee.

manisha - Oh..She must have now become the offical german translator by now. And so deeply involed in that she must have almost forgotten how english and hindi are read, written, spelt and pronounced. German translating into german itself. Hic...How will I convey anything to her then !!! hire another translator !! sigh !!!

matty - I doubt he would have become a family man yet or what we call - harkaton se baaz aana. Still the hale and healthy looking sweet flirter trying to convince already convinced girls..Sigh. And luck would have had it to him at thatage..Sigh !! As he says - 'Sh'It happens !!!


Pallav - Oh..By this time he would have married a french woman!!! This is only because he wanted to gain the nationality of france so that he could represnt that country's football team as a goal keeper !!!

Patchez - By this time she would have really met angels !!! Not in heaven. she can speak with angels already. And dont mistake her for a harry potter kind woman. Shez absolutely normal and will stay that way except that she cant help writing on these sweet fictions. And also this management graduate would have had tie ups wiht yahoo and introduced a set of 100 new smileys to be introduced in the forum. Big leap for yahoo frequenters !!! who would be starting Patchez fans community in orkut.

Prachi - Ah...She must have written all the memoirs of the sweet times she'd spent with her children and each and every silly thing they might have uttered during their childhood and read them again and again time and again. And yeah her teddy bear collecion would have been transferred legally to her progeny.

Sameera - An avid blogger and by this time she will be nominated for the inter-continental best poet award taking place on earth itself. I dont believe science would have achieved inter-planetory allies. Otherwise that goes true for her too. Check mad girl above too coz shez gonna be your only opponent.

Silverine - Oh...booker prize awardee...I hope all got.

sneha a.k.a Solitaire - By this time she would have started 7500 blogs simultaneously and the only reason she might have stopped starting of more would be because blogger has run out of space and not because she has not been able to manage so many of them.

somya - If you havent seen any woman in the F-1 racing circuit you can easily expect the first woman and the second indian overall to drive a car. And bet she will beat ferrari..And Oh yeah !!! wont she be representing ferrari ????

ssnab - Oh my god !!! An Indian foreign service officer. I would go on telling everybody around me 'Hey, you know the Indian Ambassador presently talking out issues in US..I know her very closely...Aww..I influence all her decisions..Do you want any new resolutions??? Juz tell me..I will see if i can let it pass' (Going on and on when someone knows somebody extremely important)


Vandita - Oh...She would be so much obsessed of sugar that by this time she would have set up a sugar plant and would be the largest producer of sugar in India. And guess what !!She would do this parallelly with her job at google.....Just in case she thinks i forgot she was placed in wipro, I am saying she would have made her career into google. (I applied thought na....)

Zahid - I know my name comes at the last in alphabetical order. Perhaps thats why I chose this order. Ahem...I think I cant blow my own trumpet or the lack of it. So i refrain myself here. Its up to you to decide what I might be up to ???

P.S : And If others I have missed out here, not that i dont like them, but have not been as close to them in the past one year. And yeah My dear blogger frenz please invite me to your respective marriages. You see !!! I dont mind travelling to have good food !!!

Resume Blues !!!

I am supposed to fill in my resume and practise what to speak and importantly what not to speak now !!! Especially with placements around the corner !!! Everyone around are so busy (and ready too I feel) while i am still tossing and turning undecided on what to do next. Finally I thought the best way is to start filling a resume. And so I did

At first I thought filling up a resume was as simple as filling your orkut profile - Just that you have to look good as soon as someone glances at it. But I found out it wasnt as simple.

First required me to fill in my name and roll no. - Effortless I did similar to every single sheet of paper/exam I had written since my Kindergarten. Then more regular particulars I filled easily similar to the one I did while opening my first gmail account. School, college, CGPA etc followed.

Then began the tougher things -

Career Objective - Huh ??? I have no such thing. Err...I do have...But it seems i will be in a fix if i write that. Always hop for a better pay and for a better surroundings and designation

Soft Skills - Huh ???(Again..) What are they?? Aal Baal Cheez !!! I cant find something in particular that i own in them rather than follow the regular trend of what every one does write

Special Interests - I was literally forced to write something like the design of machine elements and the IC engines, production technologies while in actual they are different

Hobbies - What do I write here??? - Deforestation ??? I so badly wanted to write that. But then on second thoughts I restrained. Blogging was one...The other??? I never collected stamps or coins seriously. Then another thought struck me - Pyromania Well I do set alight a lot of things and make a mess of them. But...Nope...people said that this telecasted Psychic tendancies and so I discarded it. Then finally I went for music, Safe option !!!

After a tough job I'm almost done but then still cant decide what to do next. Having a tough time taking decisions !!!!

En a smile escapes my lips !!!

This is a poem I did written some 9 months ago, One of my first poems. After reading Cinderella's 'Time has frozen' I somehow felt like re-posting this lil poem. In this post she has so beautifully written her love which grew over the years. I will perhaps read it a twenty times in the coming week. She has written each ‘true’ moment of love. I write only fiction. Lovely things that never happened and those in any probability arent gonna happen. I felt I was missing out on a lot of life !!!

I was a mad lil lad
Dark black eyes i had
She was a sweet lil girl
Soft silky hair with a curl
Thinkin of 'er a lil tear drips
En a smile escapes my lips.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Those days i long for
Of solitude me n her
Those lasting weekends spent together
Laughed n cried , memories forever
Imagining em my heart rips
En a smile escapes my lips

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Those catch me's in the rain
Those who's first in the plain
Lunch we shared on the stairs
Cool sundae we bought in pairs
Those secret river valley trips
En a smile escapes my lips.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

That one day i still remember
When she cried on my shoulder
Like ganges tears flowed
My sympathy she allowed
But now my heart weeps
En a smile escapes my lips

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

She called me her best fren
Her pure heart she'd always lend
I was in love unknown
O'er the years it has grown
My soul curls, closes n crips
En a smile escapes my lips

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Heart knew it all
Let the feelings fall
Shez goin away far
Leavin back a scar
Thinkin of 'er a lil tear drips
En a smile escapes my lips

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

For One thing i wished
The entire world be vanished
Jus the two of us alive
On mother earth we thrive
Alas!!!!! her essence grips
En a smile escapes my lips

Hiccups to answer !!!

All of us must have read the terrible crap that comes under the name of graffiti or 'Ask the Aunt' in the newspaper supplements or magazines. Believe me it is interesting the first few times you read it but then you get the same questions and the same answers and you are fed up of it.

Almost always there is a boy who is in love with almost always a girl or vice versa. And almost always the letter is written after one of them suddenly starts neglecting the other after a long frenship. Almost always the answer is have a straight talk with him/her and clear your thoughts Blah Blah Blah. What does the answerer think?? The first thing he/she done after recieving the faint hint she/he was being neglected was take a piece of paper and write to them? How dumb !!!

Then comes the turn of those diddly couply hit pair who have had everything going well till the family plays culprit. And then what do we have for answer. Its your life and it is up to you to choose what is best for you. Then come those who have the guilt of sleeping with someone over a party and those who are not able to identify what their problem is. They write the letter just to see what comes out of it and the letter is accepted just to see how it goes with the people. Answers have no hesitation in stating Identify your problem first !!!

Why dont we have questions like the ones below and really beautiful answers for them. I am sure bloggers are intelligent enough to answer them.

What do I do if at a dinner table both my left hand side and right hand side partners are engaged in deep conversation with people adjacent to them leaving me alone (and embarrassed)?

What do I do when someone praises me excessively in a public situation ?

How do I tell someone I am afraid of something without letting him make fun of it ?

Err....Lookin for really good answers.....

I take bath 7 times a day !!!

Err...Hic Hic and Yippee !!! It feels great to come back to bloggerville. As I sit down to write a post on no particular topic in general, I had to switch on my fan. That meant that was the end of winter. That also means the following : No more excuses to get up late !!! No more excuses to snug lazily in the room !!! '&' No more excuses not to take bath !!!

Now this last one is a very serious problem. Especially after performing only 5 baths(as if it were a rare ritual) in the whole of winter, coming back to a bath a day is a very drastic change. What will happen if my body doesnt get accustomed? Aha...This is my new excuse for the next few days.

But soon this wouldnt work and so, i have already started thinkin of new excuses for this summer.

1.First thing you should learn to change the topic as soon as the question arises. For example

Mom : Zahid, Go take a bath !!! Its been 2 days..

Me : Ya ya...By the way yesday there was a music concert in kala parishad. Why dint you go?

Mom : I dint know about it....First go to bath...afterwards we will talk

Me : I will... I will.... but today is the last day of the concert. It comes only once in a year here

Mom : Is it ??? Does it need any ticket booking?

Me : Gosh !!! Yes..I think i will get it now itself. Other works afterwards.

Mom : Go...Be back soon !!!

And this way i escape bath !!! By the way i tell you there was no such concert. After roaming around for an hour or so I return and say "Sorry, the last day of the concert was yesteday itself" and in the grief of missing that concert she forgets about the bath.

2. Second ace up my sleeve : Avoid it all day in the morning sayin you will do it in the evening. And then as soon as the sun sets sneeze for a while which will startle all mothers that you would develop influenza if you bathed.

3. Read all about aquaphobia and then show symptoms of it till they themselves keep you away from water !!!

4. And then try ALLERGY FUNDA !!! Whenever i used to go to relatives house and they used to pour all kinds of food items in my plate I used to refuse a few things by saying I had an allergy for it. And i hope you understood how this can be used here too !!!

5. And have a spanner at your disposal. You dont know when all other things fail and you would have to close the overhead water valve. ;)

Err..These ones will do for this summer. Bye, I am off to take a bath !!!

P.S : Dont stop talkin to me or neglecting my blog because of this post !!! I was kiddin... Till now not a month has passed in which I havent bathed. Err...

When was the last time ???

"When was the last time you hit a striker into the hole?" I asked her.

She thought for a while. We met after a period of 1 year and this was the first question i asked her. Okay, she knew she had to answer the question. Yeah some answer to keep me happy.
"May be last summer" she said, "I dont remember".


Hey tell me when was the last time you can recall these few things....Those lil happiness of lifes those lil facets of life which you know, you experience but dont notice. Those things that you do not give a thought to or prepare to do but yet do.

• When was the last time you hit a striker into a hole?

• When was the last time you looked at the stars and tried to spot the brightest one?

• When was the last time you picked up something exciting from the road?

• When was the last time you fell asleep in someone's lap?

• when was the last time you surprised someone with a random visit to their home?

• When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone?

• When was the last time you re-read one of the letters you'd once recieved?

• When was the last time you saw a 25 paise coin?

• When was the last time you bought a toy car or a barbie doll?

• When was the last time you tried to read a station name frm inside a speeding train?

• When was the last time you noticed the size and shape of your shadow?

• When was the last time you sat down and noticed ants moving hither tither?

Hey !!! See I have just created a tag !!! But i am kin of fed up of tags so i'm not tagging this to anyone... But whoever wants to make a post of it is welcome. But i would love it if you shared the answers with me in the comment box, atleast to some of them.


Here go my answers:

• I am so good at carroms that I could even hit strikers in holes whose diameter was less than the striker itself. Perhaps 1 1/2 year ago.

• This was perhaps last Eid when I climbed the terrace to spot the moon.
  
  
• Perhaps 7 months ago i found a stone unusually attracvtive...Its still with me.

• 2 years ago perhaps in my moms lap in a train journey

• 4 years ago we went to someones house i dont recall but remember the expressions

• Just 5 months back i sent one to my dear 'mausi' but as some things would hav it. The letter returned back to me sayin the address was unreachable.

• Yeah read one of the old letters recently...One was from my late grand father who had written to me in my tenth standard that i should do justice to everybody's hopes by gettin a first class in board exams. I thought that meant being the first all over india. Gulp !!! I thought !!! so many expectations !! later i knew that gettin 60 % and above is termed as first class. That turned out to be a cake walk.

• One lies somewhere hidden in my wallet, but i never care to see it.

• This is perhaps 10 years ago I tried hard to choose between a toy gun and a set of hotwheel cars and finally went for the cars. I have them still unbroken.

• I do it all the time from the window. last train journey was 28 days back.

• May be 4 months back but not in sunshine. when power was off and i lay in the shadow of the candle.

• Perhaps 8 months back when it was summer, the responsibility of eradicating ants from the kitchen was given to me.

I love you !! All my frenz who are reading this !!! I learnt a lot from you !!! Will cherish you always !!!

Teleshopping - Magicians at work !!!

If you have seen the Teleshopping advertisements, yeah !!! The ones in which two people come and chatter all that nonsense. How to tell whether they are lying or not? Its quite simple ~ ~Check whether their lips are moving !!! I almost mistook it for a magic show. I will tell you why?

Firstly because it proclaims to do the following things :

• Reduce your weight from 150 Kgs to 150 grams
• Decrease your current bill from Rs 2000/- to 2000 paise
• Make 500 gallons of juice out of one orange !!!
• Grow hair 1 cm thick and 1 m long on a bald head !!!
• Extra glowing tube lights which cost you so much at the time of buying that you cant afford to spend anything on it again !!!
• Make a Australian white class out of a Somalian Negro !!!
  

And now for the free items that these people promise.....Not only these !!! Free products anywhere !!! You buy something for thousands of rupees even after being given 99% discount and this is what you get free ~ ~ ~

• A wrist watch which is not waterproof !!! Leave waterproof its not even airproof !!! (only to be used in vacuum)
• A free redeem cash coupons whose last date - validity would be over by the time they reach you !!!
• An electric iron that will equal back the original electricity bill which you reduced by using their earlier product !!!
• A mosquito bat that can hardly paralyze a mosquito leave alone kill it !!!
• A shirt worth Rs 4000 /- which you could anyhow get on the footpath for Rs 140 /- In addition to being untearable and unwrinkagable is also unwashable and untouchable !!!

I knew idiot box has always something scintillating to bore us !!! But Thanks a lot to Channel 'v' and 'M' tv !!! Cheers to a Great Week Ahead !!!

The girl who loved bulls !!!

We were so busily engrossed between those cute looking fishes. The aquarium shop was filled with all kinds of fishes, all colors. I simply loved watching them. And so immersed was I, for a moment i forgot that i had come with her. For her actually.

"You love fishes a lot na?" I asked her.
"Umm...I love bulls ", She said with a twinkle in her eye.

It so happened that she visited my native place after one whole long year and as my luck would hav it they din stay with us. But She was an alien this time which naturally meant I was the guide !!! But But !! She doesnt seem to have plans of looking around the city. Grr... So, Finally i had to do something. So when i paid her a visit ....

I got a good welcome....Goodies were served by her mom which were sort of okay !!! I ate a few of them..... And as soon as I found out that she needed to submit a report on different kinds of fishes I had to do something...I offered to take her to an aquarian !!!

Now came another problem. How to take only her and leave her brother home. He liked roaming more than watching TV. One good excuse was that we go on a 2 wheeler !!! But would they send her with me on a 2 wheeler?? After convincing all sections of people that it was perfectly safe (including her brother by bribing him a chocolate) I could finally take her out.

The aquarian was a 10 km journey from the house which meant that i had enough time in travelling. We talked a lot of things while going. And luckily we dint talk about fishes...which I was fearing would be the main topic.

In half an hour we reached the 'fish corner'. That was a beautiful spot. I loved the place. That was my first visit there too !!! Finally after she completed her work writing names and scientific names and their egg sizes and their eating habits and blah blah blah she said she would buy me a gift. She bought me two gold fish. Yeah....And god i was so happy....After all 'A first gift' is always special. I wanted to give her a big hug. And you know i couldnt.

"You love fishes a lot na?" I asked her.

"Umm...I love bulls ", She said with a wild twinkle in her eye.

She chuckled. I chuckled. She giggled. I giggled. And then we laughed for quite some time. I dint understand why bulls but somehow she said it in a way that was down right funny. I dint think of it much. We laughed all the way back. I left her home. The day after she was going back to her home town.

Like every time I dint convert even this chance into Gold either !!! I loved her so much !!! But not a word to her !!! I still have those two gold fish. And this new template is in her memory !!! And it so reminds me of her.

The next afternoon, while i was lazing around with the newspaper half asleep, reading the editorial which contained letters to the editor in one corner and daily horoscope in the other, my eyes fell on the picture of a Gold fish against the Zodiac 'Aquarius'. Hehe I laughed to myself. I scrolled my eyes above to see my Taurean horoscope.

What do i find?? A bull against it. Gosh And she loved bulls. And she said that indeed !!! I am a bull. Bull is a taurean symbol. She loved taureans. Dunno Does this in any language mean she loves me. I was left wondering untill the long gap before i can meet her again.

My First Date ! ! !

Finally I got a chance to ask her out !!! I was on a two-day visit to her city for some silly work I could have done without and when I got an invitation from her parents that I stay at their place What more could I wish !!!. First day I completed my work…The second I kept for myself….

Her father was in office, mother busy in kitchen and after finally convincing her younger brother that it is perfectly okay if he goes to play with locality kids leaving me I suddenly proclaimed that I wished to roam around the city. And after convincing relevant people that I was an alien to the city and need her as a guide, We set out !!! Otherwise a boy asking a girl out was considered bad manners and westernization and lack of ethics and What not!!!

First thing we boarded a bus and got down at a place she declared as Kashmir street. I dint care. What mattered was the time with her but she was so busy tryin to be a good guide naming every tiny place we passed !!! When will she understand??? When I say???

Time passed !!! I got help from my sense of humour…Laughed at right places. Gave proper exclamation marks... And so happy was I to see her laugh at some of my quotes…. And slowly we moved out of that tourist-guide relationship !!! More time passed !!! We did a bit of a shopping. The sun set…It was getting dark !!! I was thinking a hundred things….Did I make a mark on her? Somehow our attitude towards each other changed..we could talk to each other better !!!

Suddenly she started stammering !!!

“Zahid, I….”

I gave a nod to continue….

“Zahid, I….” she stammered !!!

That’s it I thought !!! she is going to say those 3 words !!! I was ready with a ‘me too !!!’ on the tip of my tongue…I will say me too…yeah

“Zahid I am hungry !!!”

“Me too”, I blurted out before stopping myself

“where shall we eat?”

Huh ? And I thought I would be busy huggin her by now

“You are the guide” I said

“Tandoori corner” She suggested !!!

“Great”, I said as if I had been eating there since ages

And while we sat down in those face each other chairs in a dim light restaurant with salt, pepper and two kinds of ketchup in between and soft music in background ….. I felt that it would be the best way to propose her. I was saying "do it zahid do it" to myself when she started stammerin…

“Zahid, I…”

This time I was so busy imagining that I din notice i had a ‘me too’ on my tongue tip

“Yeah say”

She repeated those words again and finally said, “Zahid, I will go wash my hands“

“Me too” I blurted out.

“Then who will look after the bags” she said like a grandma

“I meant after you return” I managed Phew !!!

I hit myself under the table for being such a idiot.

We enjoyed our food !!! laughed and blah blahed all through !! And while the food was comin to an end she said

She : I had a great time today

Me : You were a very good guide

She : You were a better tourist….You liked the place?

Me : I like it very much (and then mumbled ‘love you very much too’)

She din hear that or did she…She was stammerin again and it was different this time… I knew….The very way she pronounced I knew it had to be this ..

“Zahid, I…”

I gave that nod again….

“Zahid, I think…”

That’s it she thinks she loves me…..She isnt sure..she thinks.I gave another nod

And a few stammers later “Zahid, I think we should go home”

“Me too !!! “ I blurted out

“I think you din like my company as much” she said back

Oh God !!! what did I do ??? That was a boy who could never say…. And if she had read my eyes while I left her that night She would have known…If only she would have asked herself why this idiot says ‘me too’ so much…. If only She would read this piece of my literature !!!!

Or perhaps if only I would have thought why she needed to stammer at all the wrong places !!!