Things people say !!!

When I sit down to right this post here..... There is a Glass between my eyes and Internet explorer 7.... Of course I am not talking about the computer monitor screen. But Just before my eyes. And I will remember this as the first post with my spectacles on !!!!

While bloggers around the world are getting TAGGED by one or the other, I got spectacled. *Grunt* (Yeah I havent been offered a tag yet!!! ). I din break this news in my house yet !!! Otherwise I would have been advised (ordered) to cut down my hours before my comp on the net!!!

And when my pals saw me after this metamorphosis d different reactions I received are :

• You look good in the spectacles !!!
• You dont look as good in spectacles !!!
• You look like a scholar ( I Do ???) !!!!
• You look like a comedian (Do I ???) !!!
• The spectacles suit you !!!
• You suit the spectacles *#%$!* !!!
• You look grown up (married, they meant...*sigh* )!!!
• You could have been better :) !!!
• You could have been worse :( !!!
• You look like shahid kapoor(does shahid look that good?)!!!
• You look blindfolded !!!
• Where is Zahid ???

Huff !!!! After answering questions of when , why and how and 'what is the power' and 'in which units' and 'positive or negative' I am now a bit relieved !!! Everyone has accepted it now!!!

Thank god!!! No one gave comments like these when at one point of time my voice changed!!!

• This voice suits you !!!
• The voice doesnt suit you !!!
• You sound like a handicapped goat !!!
• You sound like a teethless grandfather !!!
• You sound like a second-hand gramophone !!!
• Your voice seems to come from deep under the stomach (via liver, pancreas, spleen, oesophagus and then through the nose ) !!!
• Your voice is same as Sonu Nigam's Dupe !!!
• Your voice seems original now !!!
• Why dont you try as a radio artist !!! (for Farmer Development channel)
• Your voice seems like an unsynchronous dubbed movie!!!

P.S : My exams are going on !!!! And it feels very strange to study with specs on !!!! I dont mind those comments on my havin new specs!!! (of course as long as it goes well with that one girl I think i am in love with). And of course wish me good luck !!!!

Ad Festal ! ! !

Hmm...Advertisements, I like them a lot....Actually i like them a lot more than those dready serials. Actually when mom and grand mom watch those while dinner I pray for an Advt to relieve me.... And so would love to dedicate a blog on it !!!! Here go one good, one bad advt and two of my creations !!!!

The BEST'EST Advt:

A boy and a girl just get down a taxi and move towards the girl's house and the external voice says "dropping your girl friend house on a taxi- Rs.150/-"

The boy LEANS on the wall of the house and before parting asks the girl for a lip on lip kiss and the voice says "confidence to ask her for a kiss-1 peg of whisky- Rs.200/-"

The girl sheepishly reminds him of her father (by pointing) who was inside but the boy persists and the voice says "Asking the kiss in front of her own house -1 more peg of whisky -Another Rs.200/-"

And suddenly the mother comes out and tells the two lovers that father permits them to do whatever they want but to please stop LEANing on the doorbell (which had been ringing all this time) and the voice says "~~~~ Having a girl friend whose father has a sense of humour - PRICELESS ~~~~" And then ~~~"Money cant buy you everything.For everything else there is mastercard"~~~

The DUMBEST Advt:

A one page add is dedicated for a washing machine with the header as "now presenting a washing machine that can cook food"

And while in the few milliseconds before i see the picture below i think of science, technology and the possibility of how the drier part might also be a heating unit thus serving as a microwave oven....

Then I see the picture and there is a meek rice-cooker which is supposed to be free half hidden behind the washing machine. And worse more both the appliances have eyes and are blushing!!!

The picture one :

Self explanatory!!!

GOOGLE Advt on my blog:

I actually applied google ad sense whose terms and conditions included that it could put up any ad related to what i wrote and after my post-"Rats have nine lives too..!!!" what do i find??? The space was alloted to a rodent control organisation whose terms and conditions in turn included that rats were indeed the worst pests to have in the house but they arent responsible if the pests return 1 month from when they employ thier de-rodenting stuff.

My own Creations ! ! ! !

Advt 1: A man is shown to be eating the gutka-pan or manikchand or whatsoever and he has this bad habit of spitting anywhere and anytime. He sits in the train and spits outside the WINDOW of the train and that too carelessly much to the awkwardness of other passengers and the ire of his victims. And one day when he continues his habit of spitting, it gets reflected and the man is seen soiled by his own spit. The camera rotates and the voice says "SAINT GOBAIN GLASSES - so transparent and clear you cant see them"

Advt 2: A train vendor comes with toys all over him as if hez participating in a fancy dress competition. no one is fascinated except one boy who annoys his father to buy him... The father hesitates but finally not being able to see the glum face of his son, agrees. The toy was a jumping frog. the boy buys it and while playing with it, the frog jumps and runs away. And Later is shown to reach the vendor who is two compartments away and the external voice says "duracell- faithful, runs with more energy and for a longer time."

P.S-1: Dear saint gobain and duracell...Please do read this and you know what to do...Grab me in your service...I would love a marketing job after my graduation!!!

P.S-2: Would love more ideas in the comments section!!!

The lighter side

A record of what we call ' The lighter side '.

This is one of my favorite cartoons....

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The other day I found my frends g-talk custom message with the words of a scientist-'charles darwin'.I couldnt resist chaffing him.

Me: Dude!! Is darwin still alive?
Him: No, I guess not.
Me: Was he very famous?
Him: No, but he devised the evolution theory and was the first one to find out about...
Me(cutting him short): Did he get a noble prize?
Him: errr..No
Me: Then why are we discussing him?
Him: But it was you.....#%$&*#......


The other day with my friend:
(while chatting with him, people were around ...)

Me : Dude!!! lemme just tell you next weeks viva is prephoned to tomorrow evening.
Him : 'f***'
Me: Dude!! people are watching...wouldnt be nice to use such things in public
Him: Whatz wrong dude!!!
Me: you use words like that and say .....
Him: hold it !! what do you think are these ***??
Me: obviously must be U-C-K
Him: No,.... bloody f***
Me: Then???
Him: I-S-H
Me: *!!!!*
Him: Why? shahrukh khan has used it in public, aint he?
Me: Yeah dude!! but why did you write those *'s ...couldnt u just use FISH
Him: Well, You see ...I am a vegetarian and usage of such eatable things is a ...
Me: you are a f***** Fish!!!!

shahrukh khan has reminded the teens all over india a new word to use instead of the regular 'Damn', 'Shit' and 'F***'. It is 'FISH' (*rmember OSO) .We are so well versed in using words or phrases borrowed form the films that we make it a daily use until something new pops up.(*remember 'Ghanta' used by arshad warsi in kabul express and ...so on.....)


Life is such....

'Viva' Vs 'Om Saawariya Om'

Its very easy to screw your viva voce....especially if the night before, two blockbuster movies are being played back to back on your college video station, . Yes...I do mean Om shanti om and saawariya.

And let me tell you first about those two films...

Om shanti om :

Shahrukh khan proves that frenship is the ultimate thing and no one/nothing can exceed it....Of course not by jumping into fire to rescue deepika padukone but by acting in the film on farah khan's request. And the punch line of this movie is a lousy long heard sms 'If its not well, it is not the end'...which is then repeated again and again. Dunno farah khan wanted to make a spoof or a serious movie on reincarnation but she mixed up both and ultimately messed up the movie.

But do please watch this movie once...so u can better unstand the lashing movie reveiws and also you can actively participate among your freinds when it is being made fun of and better your fren's perception of 'This scene was the height of all...'

But a fresh deepika padukone did wonders for the film, i believe.... A good actress and already the first crush of many teens and umpteenth crush of many other.....

P.S : Dear deepika padukone!!! I am not even a junior artist but i do really like you.I cant jump in the fire for you but yes I can help you from drowning by jumping in the water. (and if farah khan is even a millimicron right The whole world should be busy trying to fix us up in a love bond.)

Saawariya:

Hear we have sanjay leela banshali back to his old ways... And whats with this song popping out every 10 minutes in the movie...Clearly he seemed to balance the void created by 'black'. And the son n daughter of two former son of greats did quite a good job in the film. But this time my wishes are not going to the heroine but the hero--Ranbir kapoor. what with his somewhat natural style of mischief and trying to be happy nature , I did like him.

And today finally (after having a tough time waking up early) when i went to viva with the bare minimum knowledge i could gather in the short remaining time, the professor was bent on making a hen out of me(remember murga banana)

#1 The idiot examines the whole report of mine and finally asks me to show the moulding machine in the report i'd written. Both of us knew that i dint draw it. Needless to say i couldnt show it and my excuse of 'couldnt find it in the reference book' did not go well with him.

#2 He somehow found a diagram without labelling in one corner and says 'I wont give you marks for this report....no..I wont*with a satirical voice*..BAh!!! why the hell did i write that 40 page report missing one good night's sleep.

#3 He pours down a bunch of workshop tools in front and asks me to identify which is the reaming tool..Believe me most of the tools look alike and when i finally selected one tool he says it is wrong... And then he asks me to find another tool the sleeve and after analysing thoroughly for some time i give the correct answer, he says 'you took too much time' Great !&#! I thought and to the final question when i answered it right within the time limits he asks me what is it used for? BAh!! #uc& ....Hit with the hammer again!!!

Somehow I come out of this viva unhurt just to find out there is another viva tomorrow morning..So i think i realy gotta go now coz i dont want to screw that one also...

P.S : GOd give me strength *not to pass the viva* but to keep my eyes away from movies and songs atleat this one night.

The Kolkata experience

When my fren praveen asked me if I would accompany him on saturday to calcutta....oops sorry 'kolkata' I decided I would. Afterall this was due for quite a long time. And it is a shame to tell others that I'd never been there while living so close to this metro city.

We had to board a train at 6 in the morning which meant we had to get up before 5 and catch the first bus. And that was a tough job because we din take any precautions (like sleeping early{early meant 1 AM}) the previous night. But I finally got up by snoozing the alarm just twice.

while waiting for the never on time train in durgapur station, we had a small talk:

Me: Hmm...God, why are we waiting like hell sacrificing sleep.

Him: Our lifez so boring na; We are jus another boys of another college.

Me: *nod my head and wait for him to continue*

Him: We are not a cracker in academics...leave it then..we can never be....But idiots we are we'd never gone to a disco never on a friendly day-out with special someones, no girl friends to talk on phone with...nothing.

Me: you got a point there....we will break some rules today..... why not flirt for fun with the girl over there. (I point her out sitting on the bench)

Him: See whoz beside her

Me: Is it difficult to flirt with someone when her fathers around

Him: damn yes....

Me : At that one then....

Him: See whoz beside her

Me: Is it difficult to flirt with someone when her brothers around

Him: Damn even difficult....He will know more easily that she is being flirted.

Me: you mean fathers are dumb

Him: No, but it will take them some time to realise coz./...

The train comes and our we are left at that coz she boarded an AC compartment and we remained jus another boys in the sleeper compartment

This itself made the city not all that beautiful as hyderabad.

And when I found a ragged family so busily occupied before the ATM that they wouldnt care to move to allow passers-by to reach upto it it made it even less beautiful.......(Here i dint feel pity at those poor people)

But there were some highs too...

Firstly the howrah bridge...

And then I unexpectedly met one of my frens near 'college street' which meant that it wasnt difficult to find someone in a city of over 1 crore population. That made me happy. *'Yes!!!'* (The Derek 'O Brein style) This raised my hopes of finding the girl i think i love from another small city with not more than 5 lakh population. God please dont disappoint me and prove yourself right when after such incidents i tell myself 'Itz a small round world'

And when we boarded the metro from Esplanade to Tollygunge, and back I could say the city was more beautiful underground.

And when i saw those age-old trams moving about with as much noise as a busy factory machine I actually liked them., those trams that could be boarded running even when at full speed, those trams on which people never footboarded coz no one even boarded,those trams.....

And after a jubiliant day when it was time to leave the city, I want to clearly mention that 'I did not shed a single tear'. Yes....and nor did my fren. So anybody from kolkata who read this post do not ...... Get emotional.

P.S : I wish i could write more on this city but have to go now......

The angelic devil - 2 !!!

In the midst of a beautiful dream, I felt something moving. And it was me. And in a moment I awoke for that wretch(that is what I called her as soon as she woke me) shook me like I was a flowering tree that would knock off petals. I had not an iota of a feeling to get up. Moreover it was just 10 in the morning on a Sunday.

I warned her to be off but she persisted and you know how annoying it is to be shook vigorously in sleep. I got angry, said a few words and then jerked her which somehow hit her below the eye.

I will make it clear now that she wasn't injured but sure pretended I played a big part in that lil fight. By the way, lemme introduce her, she is one creature I knew one year less than myself and shares the same set of blood as I.

Somehow she built anger inside herself and now was unwilling to speak to me. I tried numerous ways to coax her to open her mouth but she was too rigid. I got too nice. Even did my part of household chores myself. but no avail. Did even her part of work. No respite. Bought her new crunchy cashew dairymilk out of my pocket money. She ate it but no avail. Shared 51% of the custard mom made but no respite.

It was one week since she last spoke to me. It made me really sick. She wasn’t happy either. It was very hard for her not to speak with me, she tried to ignore me alone and be normal to everybody else but she just couldnt. What could I do to help not only myself but even my lil sis????

One night after dinner when we were about to sleep, she was warming up with a novel under her blanket. I was a few yards away on my bed. I felt like speaking. I knew she was listening to me though her eyes were immovable from the novel. I spoke….

“ You know dear…..mom once told me that when the day you were born and she showed you to me, the first thing I did was to catch your fingers and it was then you opened your eyes for first time. And the first thing I spoke from my mouth was ‘Cheeni’… you remember you were called ‘cheeni’ when you were young. And when young I painted you and me on a white paper, which mom so liked that she preserved it with her to remind her of her two children. I love you dear and all those days…you remember the times we stole away the food left by the guests and ate them secretly under the bed. That crap kitten we adopted as pet before getting caught and being punished.

Now you aren’t speaking with me…Wish I could tell how I’m feeling… The only other time we dint speak was when you dint learn to speak….I….”

I dint know why but I stopped. Couldn’t continue. Was getting carried away really. And I could hear some sobbing nearby. Uff!! That idiot was so sentimental.

The next morning I again woke up to a wobble but this time very gentle and filled with love. She woke me this time 6 in the morning (okay!! Okay!! It was not a weekend). I somehow had a smile. She got a bit, what we say, emotional on my shoulder and even let out a few tears. It was difficult for me to produce crocodile tears. So just smiled.. but yes it was great to have her attention back.

While brushing our teeth, she asked me, doubtfully:

“Bhaiyya, I don’t remember When was it that we brought that kitten home?”

“sorry dear, I made up that part…coz I loved you….I am so happy you are again normal…. " (She is some how amused)

"I would like to Confess all the lies I told you in my life”

“???” (that was the expression on her face)

“Please don’t ask mother to show any painting drawn by me…coz I never painted a single thing in my life”

(She gives a very wild look at me)

“And Actually I dint see you one month till you were born. I was actually away at that time at grand ma’s house ”

(She throws a mug of water at me angrily..And I duck.,,.Ha Ha !!!)

“And Like every normal child my first words were not ‘cheeni’ but ‘mama’ and ‘papa’….…”

(Shez running after me with the broom stick….Help!!! Ouch!!! Help !!!)

" And i even remember having said i loved you "

But yipee....I am so happy i got her back.

P.S : This is a sequel to my previous post

'The angelic devil'

Rats have nine lives too...!!!

This vacation when I went home, I had more than a family awaiting me. Let me show you the orkut profile of that creature

Name: Jerry- II (I kept it ..you will soon know why)
Age : Eternal
Marital status : Ummm..(Dunno it was real or an optical illusion but remember having seen two at a time in front of the mirror)

About me: A fun loving hole making nuisance creating mouse who simply loves to dwell in human arena

Fashion : naked
Pets : Plague bacteria
Living : In a hole

Wishlist: Cheese and chicken

Passions: Food
Sports : I love to play catch me if you can
Books: have bited through alchemist and john grisham
Tv shows: Tom and jerry (runs around tv in prime time)
Career interests : Nibbling

Home address : Hole- 7,Under the sapota tree in the left corner of the garden.

Testimonials : Hez my best rodent frend. An adroit hole-maker….Can substitute a drilling m/c on bricks, He simply loves those home-made potato fry. A winner in running competitions. Hope you invade lots of houses....Urs Ratty.

Communities joined: BELLING THE CAT , WE HATE MOUSE HUNT , I DONT SLEEP AT NIGHT

Photos: included him with a big chunk of mayonnaised bread
Scrapbook: Err..(was filled with lots of leftovers)

Whoever said Cats had nine lives surely hadn’t researched on rats. Which I came to know during my 15 day stay at home.

The 9 lives:


Life 1 : My unkind mother flings the just washed plastic plate she held in her hand as soon as she first spotted the mouse. The mouse scurried away and poor mom had to wash the plate again.

Life 2 : This time, I spot it and luckily I even have a vegetable knife in my hand and I aim at the mouse again. Rat is too fast. I miss.

(Convinced that we are a family of poor archers we give up the idea of aiming and shooting.)

Life 3 : This time she manages a broom in her hand and thud!! Thudd!!. The rat has another escape.

(I take things into my hands now)

Life 4 : I sit ready with the broom waiting for the mouse to turn up and the moment I see I whack it and even hit it but What a Fool!!! I was…..I hit it with the soft corner of the broom and rat actually enjoys some tickling before it vanishes.

(I take pride in announcing that I finally hit it.)

Life 5 : This time I am ready with a sharp rod instead of a broom and wait. The rat comes and I whack and thud!! Oh..Oh..I knock off the mixer grinder.

(I am scolded and ordered out of the kitchen and blamed for the mess I’d caused. The rat has the last laugh)

Life 6 : I tamed the street cat and somehow dragged it towards the mouse hole only to make further mess of the garden. Either the cat was vegetarian or the stuff shown on tv is absolute crap. The rat continues a happy life.

Life 7 : Again, I take things into my stride. Being a mechanical engineer, I build a mouse trap with clamps wires and trusses and then leave it in the kitchen with a bait(leftover rice). I proudly wake up in the morning to find the cage intact and the rice gone.

(I am blamed for being such a poor engineer)


Life 8 : I get some rat poison and my mom makes all kinds of delicacies to tempt the rat. Even I was tempted....

Me : Mom, can I have one chicken chop.
Mom : No, that’s for the rat (with a smile)
Me: At least one coconut sweet
Mom: No, that’s for the rat (with an indignant smile)
Me: At least the left-over pakoda
Mom : No, Therz only one left and that’s for…..

I grew jealous of the mouse. Finally everything cooked and the poison was well mixed to give the rat its ‘Last Supper’. The whole thing is placed in the garden beside its abode.

The next day we find the rat still alive but the neighbours dog dead. If only dogs had nine lives too….. Alas!! The owner is still puzzled as to what killed the dog, the poor creature paid the price for no fault of its.


(Having seen what happened of the dog my mom was convinced that rat poison was the last resort for the pest)


Life 9: The whole process was repeated again and PRESTO!!! The rat is gone this time. I checked on all neighbours pets and even the street stray dogs,cats and goats. Everyone of those seemed alive and normal. Finally We lost the rat.

But I am utterly convinced that the rat is still alive but has just moved to new whereabouts. Actually I am not angry with the rat. It was actually a blessing in disguise….No, The holes did not reveal any ancestral treasure…… But it has given me activity during the holidays when I had nothing to engage myself in and even now when I have no food for thought to write my blog.

- - - - - - > Z a h ! d